|
[08 Sep 2003|09:42pm] |
These past few days have been crazy beyond belief. I think everyone knows why, too. It's a bit annoying having everyone know everything about my personal life, but it's no one's fault but mine.
He broke up with Lindsay, and then got at me for not jumping at the chance to get back together with him, then he goes and says that he didn't even break up with her. This would be so much easier if her just left me alone like I asked. I can't keep hearing how much he loves me, because it hurts. I'm trying to move on, and leave the past behind me, but he keeps bringing it up. It's so hard to be strong.
I wanna hang onto something that won't break away or fall apart, like the pieces of my heart...
I've been spending pretty much all my time with Jesse. He's been making my life bearable. We played twister today, went shopping yesterday, and got ice cream the day before. He's good at getting my mind off of everything. I feel like I should be heading home soon. I always feel like I'm bothering him.
I thought I had a crush on someone, but I know now that I don't have a chance. That's the way it just has to be sometimes, right? I'm disappointed, but I'll get over it. I always do.
|
|
|
[07 Sep 2003|10:59am] |
Matt, I don't hate you, I just can't talk to you. No, we can't be friends, and you know why.
Tom, I feel like I used you even though we only kissed, and you knew what you were getting into. I'm sorry.
I don't even know where I am at the moment. I slept on a couch-ish thing last night on Jesse's tour bus. I spent the day with him yesterday. He made me feel a lot better and got my mind off of everything. Thank you again.
|
|
|
[06 Sep 2003|05:31pm] |
|
I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even Claire or Adam. Just everyone leave me alone.
|
|
|
[05 Sep 2003|09:49am] |
This is why I couldn't trust him. I knew he had feelings for Lindsay, and what would stop him for messing around with him again.
He says he loves me, but I think it's bullshit. You don't just move on the next fucking day. He said he would never be happy again, but thats bullshit too. He seems happy enough now.
I can't deal with this. I just want to shrivel up and die. No one would care anyways.
|
|
|
[03 Sep 2003|11:34pm] |
I haven't slept for a while, and all this thinking really isn't helping.
Matt's been trying to get me back all night, but I don't know if I want to. I love him, but I can't trust him. He's making this so hard, but I think I just have to go.
Now I'm all alone in a motel room half an hour from his bus. I think I just need to get heavily intoxicated. That way my my problems will disappear, at least until tomorrow.
|
|
|
[03 Sep 2003|01:22pm] |
Yes, we're back together. Anything else is none of your business.
Oh and Lindsay? Just leave him alone.
|
|
|
[02 Sep 2003|06:59pm] |
I don't know what to write, because I don't know what to think.
Someone should really tell me what's going on.
|
|
|
[01 Sep 2003|04:22pm] |
[[OOC: I'm planning to put Rach on hold until Matt-shaped is feeling better, because I don't want him to give the role up. He's too good of a rp-er. I have another character here, so you won't miss me. ]]
So as most of you probably know, Matt and I are "taking a break."
I don't know what this means, and I'm a little afraid to talk to him. We got in a bad fight the other night, and I just want to know what he's thinking.
I'm home for now, if anyone wants to hang out. I'll let him call me when he's ready to talk again.
...it's times like these when I wish I had a friend to talk to...
|
|
|
[29 Aug 2003|02:30am] |
I've never been this heartbroken before. I knew things were too good to be true. I just want to know what i did wrong.
I wish there was someone I could talk to.
|
|
|
[28 Aug 2003|10:43pm] |
|
...so now he thinks I don't love him.
|
|
|
[26 Aug 2003|09:03pm] |
|
WHAT THE FUCK?!
|
|
|
[25 Aug 2003|11:09pm] |
I'm in love, and it's the most amazing feeling ever.
Kenny, thank you for um.. letting us "borrow" your bunk. <3
He even willingly met my parents!
I'm never coming home.
|
|
|
[22 Aug 2003|09:28pm] |
I confess that I'm a little scared.
Everything is going so quickly. Last night I got a chance to stop and take a breath. It was the first time I had actually gotten to think in a while.
EDIT: This post came out the wrong way. It doesn't say what I want it to. Let me try again...
I love him. I do, and I know it. It scares me, because I've never felt like this before. I've barely known him for a week, and I don't know what to do, or say. I'm not used to having someone be so nice to me, and it's unnerving. I'm so scared that I'm going to screw this up. I let my guard down, and thats not like me.
Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the power you have over me
And please don't come so close
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't send me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look into my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please 'cause
You hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
|
|
|
[20 Aug 2003|08:10am] |
Rachael has a boyfriend. *grins*
He's more amazing than I could ever imagine. He came out of nowhere and brightened up my life. I'm going on tour with him on Friday and I couldn't be more happier.
I'm definetly falling for him.
|
|
|
[18 Aug 2003|10:13pm] |
I can't get this stupid smile off of my face.
See what you do to me Matt?
New icons.. again.
|
|
|
[16 Aug 2003|09:43pm] |
|
So I'm finally back from finishing up filming for Fearless. I had to do a lot of voice-overs, which always sucks. It comes out soon, and I'm incredibly nervous. I haven't done anything big in a while, and I really want this show to do well.
I got a chance to talk to Ian again today. He seemed a little down in the dumps. I'm glad we got a chance to talk. I've missed hanging out with him.
Of course during that conversation the relationship thing came up again, and I admitted to him that I haven't had sex in almost 2 years. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's not that bad I guess. I guess I'm like every other girl just waiting for Prince Charming to come sweep her off her feet, but I'm not too optimistic about that happening.
AIM: RAWRitsRach
|
|
|
[15 Jul 2003|01:23pm] |
The past few days have been pretty uneventful. I've set two guys up successfully, and I'm glad its working out for the both of them. But, then again, what about me?
I've never been that great with relationships. I've always been so busy with work, that guys think I'm neglecting them. It's not my fault that my job is incredibly important to me, and they know that I can't get out of it.
Also, guys tend to see me for the characters I play, a problem I'm sure mosts actors have. And since I'm best known for my "teeny" movies, thats what they assume I'm like. It's really not true, I'm a lot different. I suppose I take parts of each character with me, but only to a certain extent.
AIM: Shes All Rachael
|
|
|
[10 Jul 2003|01:44pm] |
I'm in the mood to write a really long update to make up for how bad I've been about it.
I've been filming a few different projects. First of all I'm most likely to be appearing as an agent in the new WB show called Fearless, based on the book. It's about this girl who's born without the fear gene. I'm not exactly sure what's happening with that though.
I'm also filming a new movie, which I'm not allowed to give out any details about. It's this contract thing, but I'm sure you will all be hearing about it soon.
Other than that I've just been hanging out in LA, reading over scripts. I haven't really found anything that has stood out yet. There are so many scrips that look exactly the same and are made for teen audiences. You know, the chick flicks. I've had enough of that by being in Josie and the Pussycats. It was a fun movie to make, but I'm more interested in doing movies that will actually mean something to people. I did that back when I needed a job, but now that I'm more well known, hopefully I'll find something I really want to do.
My love life at the moment is completely non existent. I'm not going to complain like a lot of people about how lonely they are because I'm actually pretty happy being single. I've been going to more clubs lately and meeting some guys, but no one I'd actually want a relationship with. I tend to lean towards guys that are in the Music/Movie industry because they don't get mad at me if I can't be around a lot. They know what its like to be obligated to work.
Well, thats really it. I promise I'll start getting online more often and stop lurking.
AIM: Shes All Rachael
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
rachael_leigh_c's journal